Considering there’s a global pandemic, I actually had a pretty good year. I was debating whether or not I should post about my successes since 2020 was overall a pretty disastrous year for so many people, and a lot of people faced hardships due to the pandemic. I wondered if maybe I should focus more on the pandemic instead, and how it has changed the world. But then, I realized that people aren’t coming to this blog as a news source. You don’t need me to provide you with updates on the latest developments of this global pandemic, which is already flooding ours newsfeeds.
So, I’m hoping that when I share my successes this year, you don’t view it as me bragging or trying to rub it in your face in any way. I had a pretty shitty 2019, so it was a relief for things to turn around for me in 2020. Hopefully this post will lift your spirits, and remind you that we can still have positive experiences even if it does often feel like the world is crumbling around us right now.
Pandemic Vibes
I want to start by reflecting on how my feelings about the pandemic have shifted since the beginning of 2020. When Covid first came to Canada, I wasn’t really that concerned about it. I was definitely of the mindset that it wasn’t really that big of a deal, just wash your hands and you’ll be fine. That attitude quickly changed over the next few weeks as our numbers rose and we learned more about the effects of the virus, as well as how it’s contracted. Not long after, I was feeling very stressed out about going into my public-facing job, trying to keep my distance from customers, and sanitizing my hands and work space very few minutes. It wasn’t long before my work temporarily closed in the first lockdown.
When I found out we were off work, I was relieved to no longer have to stress out about spending hours in a public place during the pandemic. I also was fortunate enough to still receive an income from my employer while my work was closed. Because of this, I was privileged enough to basically feel like I was on a paid vacation. I thought we’d be off work for two weeks, but those two weeks quickly turned into months before we went back to work.
When the pandemic and lockdown first started, I was felt very relaxed. I was watching all the new reality TV on Netflix (Too Hot To Handle, Love is Blind, The Circle), playing Animal Crossing for like four hours a day, day drinking, it was great. Now, I feel oddly burnt out. It’s weird because any time I’ve experienced burnout in the past, it’s been due to being overworked (typically in University). But this burnout is different. It feels exhausting to be constantly worrying about whether I’m practicing safe measures to protect myself and others around me whenever I go out in public, which isn’t even often now that I’m working from home. It’s also exhausting only leaving my house sparingly, which I’m surprised by since I’m a homebody by nature. In the summer I found it wasn’t too bad because I could at least spend the day outside in my backyard. But now the effects of being cooped up in the house all the time is starting to really get to me. I also miss being able to see my friends and family whenever I want to, or going out to public places just for the sake of it. Now I feel guilty if I go out to a public place without it being a necessity.
I think a lot of people who were privileged enough to not worry about housing or finances felt the same way at the start of the pandemic. We felt like this is what the world needed, a chance to slow down and take a break, reassess our priorities. I don’t think anyone feels that way anymore. I think we can all agree that we’re sick of it, and we’d like it to end.
Milestones
I hit a lot of milestones this year, and I feel like these milestones relieved a lot of stress that had been keeping me up at night.
Michael and I moved into our first house together, which was very exciting! I was still off work when we moved in, so it was nice that I was able to take the time to focus 100% on unpacking and getting settled in. It was also a nice, exciting distraction during the pandemic. We’re still working on the finishing touches of our place, like décor items and maybe some smaller furniture pieces that we still need. We were incredibly lucky that we were able to get a lot of hand-me-down furniture, and we had a few pieces of furniture ourselves. So we didn’t really need to buy too much right off the bat!
We also got Baxter! We knew we wanted to get a dog when we got a house, but we agreed that we wouldn’t get a dog right away. We figured it would be a good idea to get settled in first, and then get a dog when it felt like the timing was right. Well, that kind of went out the window! We ended up getting Baxter within our first month of moving in, but in hindsight it was the best timing. Since I wasn’t working I was able to spend all my time and attention on taking care of Baxter and training him without having to take time off work, or feeling guilty about having to leave him alone so soon after getting him in order to return to work.
I finally got a new job, my first Big Girl Job, as I like to call it. I won’t go into too much detail about it, because I don’t want to post about my specific job or company on the internet, but I am so grateful for this opportunity. I got the job back in September, and it’s my first full-time salary job. This accomplishment took so much weight off my shoulders. I was constantly stressing out about the fact that I was still working at a dead-end part-time job, and I began to worry that I’d never be able to leave retail and get a job in a different field. Not only did this job offer me an opportunity to finally grow career-wise, but it’s also a job I absolutely love. I settled into it quickly, was able to learn everything with relative ease, and everyone I work with has been so kind and welcoming.
Overall, I feel like I achieved a lot in 2020, and I’m so proud of all I’ve done.
2021
I don’t really have any expectations for 2021. If 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t always anticipate what’s to come. For instance – the Capitol Building was attacked in the States since I typed up this draft. Hadn’t really anticipated that happening!
I used to think I could will things to happen by going into the year with a specific mindset. Now I’m just going into the year open to the fact that anything can happen. If I don’t have expectations, I can’t be let down by the limitations that may come from Covid-19, or other crises in our world. I just have to keep looking for the positives in my life, and keep my head up.
Until next time,
Nadine
nadinesnarratives.art.blog 