Re-reading Twilight

I was a huge Twilight fan when I was in junior high. Like, obsessed. I thought Edward Cullen was the standard of what all men should be, and I was desperate to live in their world. I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed of it either. I was a teenager. This is a book targeted at teens. It is what it is.

Lately, I’ve been wondering if Twilight really is that good of a book. I remember I used to proudly tell people I’d read the book over 13 times. I don’t know when, or why, I stopped reading the book. Did I read it one day and feel like it had lost it’s magic? Did I just discover other books I wanted to read instead? Was I just growing up and growing out of this style of writing?

Well, I decided to read Twilight again, probably 11 years since I last read it. I wanted to see if it held up over time, if I would get wrapped up in the story again and go back to wishing Edward Cullen were real.

As I was re-reading Twilight, I tried not to be too critical of it – I didn’t want to try and pick it apart for comedic purposes or to prove I had grown out of that phase or whatever. However, spoiler alert, it’s really not as good as I remember it being. And there were a lot of different factors I could have commented on in this blog post, but then it would be even longer than it already is, and nobody needs that. Instead, I decided to write about the quality of the writing in general, because that’s what I was really interested in. And then, as I was reading the book, I was very bothered by their relationship. I remember thinking they were #couplegoals, and now I kind of hate everything about Edward and Bella’s relationship. So, that felt important to comment on.

Anyways, here we go!

The Writing in General

By the end of chapter 3 I had decided that her writing isn’t terrible. Is it anything particularly special or ground-breaking? No. But it’s entertaining enough and an easy read, especially for a teen audience. So, considering this is the purpose of the book, I think it’s alright. However, one thing that irked me is the way she seems to summarize and blitz through everything happening in the storyline until she gets to a scene with Edward. Then the pacing slows down and she seems to take her time a bit more with the writing. I think it would have been nice to get to know Bella and Bella’s life and friendships in a bit more detail to really understand who she is as an independent character. Instead, we only really get to know her in association with Edward, and it begins to feel like his existence is a crucial part of her identity. It just would have felt more empowering I guess to be able to recognize her as her own entity.

Now, I know Stephenie Meyer wasn’t a teenager when she wrote this series of books, and because of that I guess I can’t truly fault her for not knowing how teens speak. However, I am also not a teenager as I re-read this novel, and I have to say that I feel like teenagers don’t speak this way. And I know, Edward is technically 100 years old or whatever. But even still, some of the things he said….if someone said that out loud to me I’d be so weirded out. For example…

“What if I’m not a superhero? What if I’m the bad guy?”

Chapter 5, Page 92

Okay, calm down with the melodrama. I don’t know, if someone actually said that to me, I’d be like, okay. Do you think you sound edgy? Because you just sound really weird and like a bit of a try-hard. Everything about it makes me cringe inside, but maybe that’s just me.

By chapter 9, I realized that most of the novel seemed to be dialogue. Dialogue is fine, but when a story is primarily dialogue it feels tricky to really flesh out the storyline or move it forward.

Also, rereading the book, I don’t know how I used to be so infatuated with Edward’s character. I thought he was the dream. But there’s no depth to him, at least not based on this novel (I didn’t re-read the other ones, maybe those delve deeper into his character). Everything that is described about him seems to be surface-level attraction. His only personality trait seems to be “trying not to be a monster”. Reading this novel now, he just seems really boring and unappealing in my opinion.

Oh, the sparkling. I used to try and defend this feature against anyone who made fun of it, but now I’m questioning it as well. It makes sense that the traditional vampire could be burned by sunlight, because that’s their weakness, and it’s creepier to imagine these murderous creatures lurking in the darkness. But what’s the point of them sparkling? I don’t understand the motivation behind that.

Overall there’s just not as much substance to the novel as I remember there being. There isn’t a large storyline, or really any character development or journey. For most of the book it doesn’t feel like much is happening – it’s basically just reading about these two people being obsessed with one another.

Their Relationship

I was being kind of nit-picky about different things while re-reading Twilight, but honestly, the biggest issue I had with it is how their unhealthy relationship is portrayed to be something to aspire to. I remember reading this as a young, impressionable girl, and thinking that their relationship was perfect and that I would be lucky to be able to have what they had one day. Reading it now, I realize how shallow, unhealthy, and honestly toxic it is. And it shouldn’t be promoted to anyone as something to strive for, especially young girls who likely haven’t ever had a romantic relationship, or who are currently with their first ever boyfriend. I want to provide examples on how their relationship is full of manipulation (on both sides), victim-blaming, threats, creepy/stalker behaviour, and extreme co-dependency.

Manipulation:

If I had to, I suppose I could purposefully put myself in danger to keep him close…

Chapter 10, page 211

So here she is, worried that he might keep his distance from her for her own safety, and instead of letting him make that decision on his own, she’s thinking about ways she can force him to stick around. Like putting herself in harms way because she knows he can’t resist saving her or whatever.

In chapter 17, on page 361, when Bella is resisting being raced through the forest on Edward’s back (what the hell am I writing lmao), he decides to overwhelm her senses by pretending to go in for a kiss so she’ll be too weak to resist him or put up a fight. So, instead of respecting how she feels and trying to make her more comfortable, he’s just trying to manipulate her into giving in so it’ll be easier and more convenient for him. This same sort of manipulation pops up a few times in the novel, like in the epilogue.

In the epilogue, he tricks her into going to the prom, something she has vocally stated many times that she has no interest in doing, and then gets mad at her when she gets upset that he lied and tricked her into going. He tells her to stop being difficult, and then when she’s still upset with him, he “dazzles” her with his eyes, so she gets distracted and stops putting up such a fight. This isn’t healthy!!!! If your partner has stated many times that they aren’t comfortable with attending an event, either 1. respect that and don’t force them to attend said event, or 2. if it is something they need to attend, don’t try to lie and trick them into going. Be supportive and work with them to make them comfortable with the whole thing. And don’t get mad at them if they’re upset about having to attend!

Victim blaming:

In chapter 8, there’s a scene where Bella is walking alone at night in the nearby town, and these older men begin to follow her and start shouting after her. First of all, before we get to the victim-blaming part, I want to point out another issue I have with this scene. Instead of focusing on how Bella feels after this has happened, it’s set up just to make Edward seem like a hero for showing up out of nowhere and saving her. I wish that, following this traumatizing and scary event, it showed Edward focusing on how Bella is feeling and making sure she’s 100% okay. Or even having Bella internally narrate how she’s handling it. Instead, it turns into being all about Edward’s temper and making Bella the one responsible for distracting him and calming him down immediately after she was nearly attacked by multiple men. Everyone would be shaken up after something like that. But instead of focusing on her, it’s all about Edward.

Then, after she goes through all of this, he tells her “Only you could get into trouble in a town this small” (chapter 8 page 173), which feels very victim-blamey. Maybe he meant it as a joke, but if I was just nearly attacked while minding my own business and someone made a comment like that to me, I’d be pissed.

In chapter 19, on page 397, Bella is questioning why the vampire James is so set on killing her specifically. She points out that there are people all over the place that he could go after instead. Edward tells her that it’s partially her fault, because she smells “so appallingly luscious”. Again, maybe he was trying to tease her or whatever, but if someone told me that it’s my own fault I’ve got a target on my back even though I didn’t do anything to deserve it, I’d again be pissed. Why not put the blame on this James guy? He’s the one trying to murder her.

Threatening to kill her:

Edward loves to remind Bella how badly he wants to kill her/how easily he could kill her.

In chapter 8 on page 175, Edward tells Bella “Your number was up the first time I met you.” Which is like…why. You can’t just tell someone that they should’ve died the moment you met them. What the hell.

OH and then when they’re going to go on a date or whatever in chapter 10, on page 214 he tells her that she should tell Charlie she’s spending the day with Edward so that it gives Edward “some small incentive” to bring her back and not kill her. WHAT. If you’re going on a date with someone and they allude to the fact that there’s a good chance they might kill you instead of bringing you back home, DO NOT GO ON THAT DATE. I don’t understand how she just ignored that it’s a death threat??? I feel like she must be brain-washed or something.

And then again in chapter 12 on page 255, he basically tells her she must be suicidal for not telling anyone that she’s going to be alone with him. Honestly, what the hell. Why does she keep spending time with him at this point. One death threat is already too many. And then, on page 264 when they’re in that meadow, he’s telling her that she could never outrun him or fight him off. Like, cool, you’re alone together in the middle of nowhere, and he’s once again reminding you that he could easily kill you if he so chooses. This is so fucked up.

“As if I needed another motive to kill you.” Page 272. I honestly don’t know what to say at this point.

I really don’t think this needs to be said, but I’m going to say it: If the person you’re in a relationship with is constantly threatening to kill you or reminding you how easily they could kill you, that’s really not a healthy relationship and you should get away from them ASAP. And report it. This shouldn’t be written in a YA novel to be okay behaviour. Don’t let young girls think this is acceptable.

His creepy/stalker behaviour:

In the scene where Bella was being followed by those men and Edward shows up to save her, he admits to knowing where she was because he was following her all evening. I used to think that the fact that he was following her to “keep her alive” was endearing and romantic. It’s not. It’s creepy. We shouldn’t be making that seem like a positive thing. Don’t encourage girls to want guys to follow them around, and don’t encourage guys to do that. It doesn’t matter what your intention is, if you’re stalking someone it is creepy and invasive.

Then in chapter 12, Edward tells Bella he’ll bring her truck to school for her to drive home at the end of the day. Bella thinks it’ll be impossible for him to do that since her truck keys are in the pocket of a random pair of pants in her room. And yet, there’s her car. Waiting for her in the parking lot just like he said it would be. She doesn’t even seem at all concerned about the fact that, not only did he break into her house to retrieve these keys, but he also somehow knew exactly where to find them??

In chapter 14, on pages 292-293, he admits to watching her in the evenings. And not only that, but watching her sleep. She’s flattered at the fact that he seems to enjoy spending his evenings watching her, until he mentions that she talks in her sleep. Then she’s horrified at the thought of him witnessing her sleep-talking. Not the fact that he’s WATCHING HER SLEEP. No no, that’s totally fine and normal behaviour. But sleep-talking? Oh yes, that’s something to be ashamed of. He’s a STALKER.
Then on page 303, he tells her about the first night he came to her house and watched her sleep. And he speaks about it so casually, like it’s no big deal. And again, she seems unbothered by it. If someone admits to showing up to your house in the middle of the night and watching you sleep, you’re in danger. Please alert the authorities.

Extreme co-dependency:

On pages 188-190, they talk about how they’re anxious when they have to be away from one another, and they always want to know where the other person is at all times. I understand wanting to spend a lot of time with your significant other, or missing each other when you’re apart for periods of time. But if it causes you physical discomfort or anxiety to be apart for like a day or two…I mean, I don’t want to be judgmental, but come on. That doesn’t seem healthy. Especially when you’ve barely known each other! You were doing fine your whole life without that person that you met a couple months ago. You’ll be fine if you don’t see them for 3 days. I don’t know, maybe this is normal behaviour for this age. Maybe I was also like this in high school. Am I just being jaded?

Oh, and on page 274 she says she would rather die than stay away from him. Really. You’d rather die. That’s not right. I understand it being hard to stay away from someone you like or love, I understand the very thought of having to break up with someone can be painful, but really? You’d rather DIE?! I just…how did I not grasp this concept when I used to read this. How extreme that is. Die?!

“You are my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.” I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him.

Chapter 24, page 474

This quote is such a “fuck you” to her parents lol. At 16 or 17 years old or however old she is in this book, a boyfriend or girlfriend shouldn’t mean this much to you. I know if someone told me this when I was in junior high I’d be so defensive and think that person doesn’t understand what it truly means to be in love (because at 13 I was clearly an expert). And I know, some people do date in jr high or high school and end up getting married. I’m not saying relationships at that age are inherently meaningless. I just think when you’re that young you already have so much life ahead of you. You shouldn’t be centring your entire life around one person (especially a person who has manipulated you and stalked you and threatened to kill you multiple times). You also shouldn’t be making that person a priority over friends and family. But hey, that’s just my opinion.

In this chapter she basically talks about how she’s willing to give up so much in her life for him. That she’s literally willing to give up her life to be with him. That she’d be willing to die and abandon everyone else she knows and cares about so she can be a vampire with him. And she’s barely gotten to know him. She can’t possibly know anything about him because, as a reader, I don’t know anything about him. And this story is told through her eyes. Based on what she’s experienced, she just likes him physically.
And I know, maybe it is realistic that some people at this age would think this way – that they’re in love with someone and therefore willing to give up their whole life for this person. But I don’t think it should be written in YA books in a way that romanticizes or encourages this behaviour. Especially not when your book is targeted to people at such an impressionable age.

So, yeah. There’s my opinion of Twilight now. It was interesting to re-read this book so long after I last put it down. I also couldn’t believe that there was literally nothing about Edward or their relationship that appealed to me anymore. I thought that because I was so invested in it when I was younger, surely there was a reason. Surely there would still be some aspects that stuck out to me as cute or romantic.

I know Stephenie Meyer has released a new book in relation to Twilight, I think from Edward’s perspective or something. It might be interesting to read that one and compare it to the original, or even see how her writing may have changed. I don’t know if I want to commit to that though, but if I do decide to read it maybe I’ll do another blog post about it! Let me know what you think!

Were you a Twilight fan when you were younger? What do you think of the book now?

Until next time,
Nadine